I believe I have been discriminated against. Only I can't work out which part of me they're against. I'm going this phenomenon Trishcrimination. I'm not talking about one stand-alone event, more a serious of incidents which have occurred for as long as I can remember.
My first memory of this was back in primary school. There was a girl who hung around in the same group I did. We weren't the best of friends but I would say we were friends still. Suddenly one day she just stopped talking to me. She starting hanging around elsewhere with different people and yet was still talking to others in my group. I found this quite curious so after a couple weeks I managed to pull her aside and ask just exactly what her problem was.
Although I found her explanation quite funny even then, I was shocked. Her mother had told her not to have any contact with me as I was evil and would lead her to doing something silly like eating meat. We weren't to talk at school nor was she allowed to go to any parties which I would be attending. Seriously. We were in maybe grade 4 or 5 at the time. How does one respond to such crap? I took it as a joke. Not what she said, but her mother's comments. I had never spent any time near her mother so how could she make such a judgment?
I don't think I really had any more problems again with parents until I hit high school. When I was about 15 I was really good friends with a guy who lived not far from me. We had a ritual where we would go to the local video store together a few nights a week. (It was a great chance for us both to escape home for a little while and sneak in the odd cigarette. He had also come out not too long before so we would go perving on the same guys.) The funny thing was he would come over to my place, we'd hang out at the park, or go on a hike to the video store. I only ever went to his place when nobody was home. After questioning him about it I found out his mother hated me. Again she was someone I had never spent any real time with but she was forming this judgment of me. It does wonders for the self esteem.
About a year later I finally had what I could best describe as my first 'real' boyfriend. To protect his identity we'll call him Peter. We started out as really good friends and within the course of a few months we became much more than that. He wanted to keep the relationship quiet and I wasn't too sure why but as he suffered depression and was quite shy I just put it down to that. Before long it was summer holidays and we went out many, many times but it was basically only ever the two of us. Occasionally we'd go out with friends but he was always stand-offish. He came around to my place a couple times. I think I only went to his maybe twice and each time for an hour tops. School resumed and we were in our final year. I questioned him again as to why we had to be so secretive. How can you be so affectionate to me in private and yet we're just buddies when out in public?
We began fighting a lot. He called me many nasty names and I was crushed. We made up, then we broke up again this time the night before valentines day. He told me he just couldn't concentrate with his studies and I was a b*tch. We made up again and decided to be friends; This didn't last long until we we're more than friends again and resuming our activities. Then came one weekend. He was meant to be coming over to my place on one of the study days the following week. We went to a party as a group with a few friends. We all had a few drinks and next thing I knew... He was hooking up with someone else. I was devastated. They began dating straight after and were public about it.
God I was angry. I was hurt. Years later I finally got an explanation, I should have known all along (in a way I guess I did.) Family and certain friends did not 'approve' of me.
Flash forward another year & a bit and I got together with my current partner. Things moved very quickly. We started dating in mid-February and had moved in together by March. I spoke to his mother on the phone at first and things were fine. Then I met her and it was a decent enough first meeting. I was gracious and used my manners. We had lunch, she showed me his baby photos that was the end of that. Then things began turning nasty. She rang my Dad to tell him that we shouldn't be together. She rang us multiple times and I won't go into too many details but it was not pleasant at all.
And then there was the big event that happened... In October of that year I found out I was pregnant. We were both stunned to say the least. We weren't 'trying' to fall pregnant but it happened. After the initial shock wore off we had a chance to talk about it. We were both quite excited about it but knew we might cop a bit of flack about it especially regarding our ages. (We were both 19.)
I'm not going to go into depth about the next few months but I will say they were filled with abusive telephone calls and visits. I tried my best to be as polite as I could and swallowed my pride for many an attack when I really wanted to stand up for myself. She said such vile, hideous things about me. It was pure hatred. She even offered to pay for a termination so I didn't screw up my partner's life.
We moved away and lost contact for a number of years. Recently we made amends and went for a visit. The first time my child (7) would really get to know his grandmother. I have always tried to be mature about it and never said anything in front of the child that would sway his opinions. It is up to him to make his own decisions about people. I bit my tongue during the visit whenever I felt her try to provoke an argument. I refused to get involved in it. After the visit was over I was relieved. I thought maybe we had finally moved on and could let bygones be bygones. However recently she has started again. I will be mature. I refuse to get sucked in to it. but I am still hurt.
Events like these really make me question myself. What exactly is it about me that people can't stand? These are the biggest cases I've noted in my life of Trishcrimination and I find it interesting that 3/4 of them are mothers protecting their boys. Am I just not girlfriend material?
I think I am quite pleasant. I have always been taught to respect my elders and use manners. Whilst I am quite opinionated about certain things I don't show this upon my first meetings. (Especially with parents.)
I may not be a supermodel but I think for the most part I am presentable. When meeting parents I have always dressed nicely. Not had tattoos or piercings on display. I have never been in trouble with the law. I like to think of myself as reasonably intelligent and I don't think I have ever come across as a bimbo. So I can't explain these random feelings of hatred towards me.
Until year 12 when I deliberately stopped caring about school I got good grades. I was not from a broken home, nor from some minority group. (Not that I condone discrimination against them, but if I were it might explain some misguided feelings.) I have always been a caring person and I will do whatever I can to help other people. If anything sometimes I give too much of myself.
I'm quite happy with myself actually. Yeah, there are a few things I wouldn't mind changing but who doesn't have that. Overall I think I am pretty cool. I think I have done well so far as a mother. I have raised an awesome child I think any parent would be proud of. I guess my question is not so much what is wrong with me but more What is it about me that rubs some people the wrong way? How do they have the nerve to judge me without getting to know the real me? And most importantly what the hell is wrong with them? Is there something about me or have I just had run in's with some very not nice people?
